I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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