I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
