Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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