hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
