So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
