I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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