Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
