his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
