watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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