Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
