Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
