pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
