If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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