I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
