Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
