He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
this hospital has no fireball
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
