Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
