I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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