I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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