Please, let me fuck your mom
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
