How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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