I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She bit a glass in half.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
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