I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
