Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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