It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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