Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
