im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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