sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
