no, he came in my armpit
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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