I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
