Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
