I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
