Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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