What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
