i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
