So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
