Hey man sorry I got all grabby
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
