ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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