Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
