This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
