PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Im part way to drunk.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
