i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
