I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
