She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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