I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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