Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
