You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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