I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
