She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
