Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
